I don't know what the heck is going on but depression has hit me really hard the last few days and I don't know why but it sucks being down all the time… I hate having all of this crap going on but I do know one thing, I know that I wouldn't be able to get through it without my amazing teachers and my amazing friends I'm so glad they are there for me when I need someone to talk to and my best friend understands why I have all of these trust issues with so many people, especially guys… I have a lot of trust issues with guys because of my past and people wonder why im so distant with them all the time well here you go now you know why I’m so distant all the time and why I’m scared to get close to anyone anymore what am I supposed to do? Force myself to talk to all of these guys well I cant put myself in that position again it took me forever to get close to my dad again and very few people know why I don't trust myself with people and why I have more trouble getting close to guys then I do with girls… People wonder why I don't like to spend the night at someones house unless my parents have met their parents and approve of them just because of all the stuff I have been through in my life you know with me getting abused all the time when I was younger and then with the other stuff that had happened that I’m not gonna say on here because I don't feel comfortable saying it on here… Thank you so much for being a part of my life I don't know what I would do without you... I'm so glad that I chose you and i'm glad that you're always there for me when I need you... I hope your family will like me but i know that we both have a lot going on right now and you know about my grandpa he doesnt think he has much longer and i don't know what to do I don't know how not to think about it anymore i have to much crap going on and i don't know how i can keep my head up anymore..   So i've been having really bad thoughts lately and I have no clue why my life seems to be going down the drain and I don't know why everyone is leaving me I don't understand what I did wrong like for real I'm so done with everybody leaving me… I don't know what i did wrong like I feel like I did something wrong to make everyone hate me and I don't like the feeling that everyone has turned against me and I don't know why people have turned against me… Im so done like between School and trying to get my permit and getting a job im swarming in a tub full of problems I need to learn how to handle my problems on my own because if i don't learn how then how am I gonna get through life there is nobody gonna be holding my hand the whole way through my life so I need to learn to do everything alone