Imma be a grim ******* for a minute. Now that I'm thinking about it, I haven't done much. I haven't done much with my life.

I got to my dream job, and it's ****. I have some ******* yelling at me all the goddamn time about ****, and the only real connections I've had have been one long distant relationship a(thanks, bae), one long distant broship (ur da best, Tae) , a long distant unofficial sibling to me (u too, Angle), and tons of long distant therapy patients.

One of those therapy patients, I could not help. She very likely committed suicide. Same happened with one of Angie's friends. Nothing I could do. And now, I'm in that same position. And you know what's sad? Outside of you all, should I die, I have nothing I'll truly miss.

I'm alive, I'm a human being, but I won't miss any of it. I'm not even truly lingering on it. It just feels like....I was just gonna go out without a bang the entire time. For all I've aspired to be, for all I've wanted to do, I don't have, well, anything to show for it. Y'know, Aiden, JJ, when y'all talked your **** about my art.... you weren't entirely wrong.

I haven't had the opportunity to make art for anyone outside of myself and my clients to enjoy. Hell, I wouldn't even say I enjoy making art, anymore. It's a chore, now. I thought helping people out would be better. Then I found out that as many people as I found who aspired to be better, there would be an equal number who wouldn't. Who's common sense would not allow any wisdom of mine, or anyone elses, to sink in. People like Aiden and JJ, who are kids who don't want to, or feel like they need to change.

And that hurts. It does. I said I wasn't offended at it, and while I wasn't, I was bitterly disappointed. Very much so.

And it's even worse now, because there are people to lose, and yet....I couldn't imagine going on anymore. There's a cold comfort of knowing death is knocking at the door right now. And I'm contemplating letting it in or letting it come in whenever it pleases.

Does that make me a **** person for it? I dunno. You feel free to judge as you see fit. In the words of that one idiot who thought preaching the obvious would stop me from continuing with my criticism, "I can be criticized just like everyone else".  You wanna say good riddance? Go on ahead. You think the world would be better off without me? Go on ahead, tell me. Let's hear what you all honestly thought of me. What you all honestly think of me.

Because I'm ready to die, but not without closure. Without that, Imma have to ****ing live to see it, even as hell on Earth as it is on me.

I was going to write a bit about how important it is to accept the idea of death, but, Adam Conover did it far better than I could ever hope to, so, just look at his opening speech for his episode "Adam Ruins Death", that summarizes all that I'd have to say.

Anyway, this BuzzFeed article's gone on way too long. I was supposed to write the Bible, not the ****ing Illiad.

Oh, yeah, speaking of JJ, he left me a message back when that notorious post, "Hey Briek" caught everyone's attention. He said, "you're like a ****ing Disney villain". Well, you know what? I'll take that name. Sounds fine by me. If there's one thing I always hated on here, it was the way the people, both close to me and around this ****hole of a site, were continuously treated. The amount of **** Tae had to endure from *******s who thought joking about Asian people "obviously" having the virus was somehow funny. I genuinely hated the verile, racist **** my girlfriend had to endure from *******s on here, both towards her, and her family, who I consider as much my family as they are hers. Towards SDot, Brii and Brim. I hate how many of you don't know your ****ing boundaries with women, and I'll hate that ******* Son Hamedo for the rest of what little amount of life I have. I hated how that Addy ***** kept trying to dodge the issue of predators being ****ing predators by trying to halt the DWAMA and calling for a negative peace over a just peace, without caring why people were fighting and angry, only THAT they were, and having the gall to call herself a Christian by calling for forgiveness without attounement, and how many people continued to rewrite my caring about the basic levels of civility one ought to have and conduct themselves with into me trying to dictate other people's lives, while continuing in all of the above behavior. And you know what?

You goddamn right I'm that ****ing Disney villain. I'm that ****ing Darth Vader. I'll take that as a ****ing compliment.

If I'm that ghoulish to demand basic civility, y'all are ghoulish to a Lich King level, for all of the above reasons.

Oh, yeah, before I forget. If that doesn't apply to you (HYPOTHETICAL you), or you believe what I said about those *******s SHOULDN'T apply to you, don't behave as if it does. Most of my followers are lovely people. Y'all are all good.

Anyway, that's about all I had to say. Good night, peasants.